notes from Panama

(alisha writing)
just so you know, this is literally my notes from my trip to Panama.  God really answered my prayer by revealing some things to me through the circumstances of each of these few days.  i felt like i needed to write down each part of my journey, in order to see the whole.  Read on if you wish...

I cried when he told me he had bought the tickets for me to go.  I was so very happy and couldn't wait!

now, as i sit at the gate, waiting for the flight, i want to cry again... i am ecstatic to have the opportunity to be with friends, be loved on, feel the 'greenhouse' again, but i already miss my kids, and my husband... 

On the airplane, riding, listening, trying not to cry... why do i feel like i already want to go home... i don't belong away from my family, my children,... Father give me the strength please to endure this time and also to enjoy it... i ask for protection and provision for my family ~while I am away... please... 

My emotions, my memories, my weakness got me here, .. Father, help me to learn and understand ... Please father, wisdom- and the strength to obey and to follow through... 

"If you live in constant fear of mistakes, you never live; just live - love without fear; give without fear or expectation."

i am finally Here.   Retreat, reunion, renew, rest, rethink... FOCUS!! this time alone (without my family) will be difficult, but it is necessary.  Quiet yourself and listen, listen, listen!!!

It's as if i had never left... love, smiles, truth, encouragement, giving... it continues like a constant river of life and love... I immerse myself within it and soak it up to be squeezed out elsewhere.

'Thank you Father for this time; fill me i pray to be poured out and planted, spread out as seed for your heart, your sewing... '  low and slow.

It is a homecoming.
love and family;
an overwhelming love - a blanket of warmth

"we set our eyes upon you; we gaze upon you; we look to you."

See God unveiled; get a glimpse of God himself!  
* 2 Corinthians 3.16  But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away.

love God.
love people.
get real.
get personal.

Be models of community.

"The spirit of God is within you - whether in Panama or USA or Ireland - you have the Spirit of the living God, and He has given you the seed, the source, of everything he wants to do with you among his people and those around you - spread it, sew it, water it, nourish it, make sure it has enough sunlight (sonlight) to do what it was made to do - feed itself, grow, and produce more seed and more fruit than your one seed could ever do on it's own.  encourage growth without walls, or darkness or cover - open to the elements in order to do what God created it to become... move and transplant a mini-greenhouse wherever you go."

A seed has everything inside of it that it needs to become a full grown plant.  If it was created to produce fruit, that information is within the seed before it ever even grows a single leaf.  God created it for a purpose, and that purpose is in that seed.  It will never be what it was made to become if it is malnourished, in the dark, or without life giving water.  It will sit dormant and be basically dead.  But if this same seed is planted, watered, allowed time in the sun, it has the possibility of growing into what it was meant to be from the beginning...  

John 11 ( the account of Lazarus being raised from the dead)...

^38-39 Then Jesus, the anger again welling up within him, arrived at the tomb. It was a simple cave in the hillside with a slab of stone laid against it. Jesus said, “Remove the stone.”
The sister of the dead man, Martha, said, “Master, by this time there’s a stench. He’s been dead four days!”
⁴⁰ Jesus looked her in the eye. “Didn’t I tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?”
^41-42 Then, to the others, “Go ahead, take away the stone.”
They removed the stone. Jesus raised his eyes to heaven and prayed, “Father, I’m grateful that you have listened to me. I know you always do listen, but on account of this crowd standing here I’ve spoken so that they might believe that you sent me.”
^43-44 Then he shouted, “Lazarus, come out!” And he came out, a cadaver, wrapped from head to toe, and with a kerchief over his face.
Jesus told them, “Unwrap him and let him loose.”

You can participate in miracles --> by listening to Jesus and moving the stones that entomb others or removing the grave-clothes that bind those around you...

The love of God is the ultimate connector: 
Reconcile God's love to the people.

Q: What has God put in you? What is the desire of your heart? what is it that stirs you? what is your holy ambition to God?

A: health, healing, nurturing, community, nourishment...
    I AM A SOWER!        

Mark 4 Again Jesus began to teach by the lake. The crowd that gathered around him was so large that he got into a boat and sat in it out on the lake, while all the people were along the shore at the water’s edge. ² He taught them many things by parables, and in his teaching said:³ “Listen! A farmer went out to sow his seed. ⁴ As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. ⁵ Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. ⁶ But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. ⁷ Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants, so that they did not bear grain. ⁸ Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up, grew and produced a crop, some multiplying thirty, some sixty, some a hundred times.”
⁹ Then Jesus said, “Whoever has ears to hear, let them hear.”
¹⁰ When he was alone, the Twelve and the others around him asked him about the parables.¹¹ He told them, “The secret of the kingdom of God has been given to you. But to those on the outside everything is said in parables ¹² so that,

“‘they may be ever seeing but never perceiving,
    and ever hearing but never understanding;
otherwise they might turn and be forgiven!’^[a]”

¹³ Then Jesus said to them, “Don’t you understand this parable? How then will you understand any parable? ¹⁴ The farmer sows the word. ¹⁵ Some people are like seed along the path, where the word is sown. As soon as they hear it, Satan comes and takes away the word that was sown in them. ¹⁶ Others, like seed sown on rocky places, hear the word and at once receive it with joy. ¹⁷ But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away. ¹⁸ Still others, like seed sown among thorns, hear the word; ¹⁹ but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealthand the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful. ²⁰ Others, like seed sown on good soil, hear the word, accept it, and produce a crop—some thirty, some sixty, some a hundred times what was sown.”