This week we are in back in Houston. Months ago, we planned this weekend trip to be a part of the first services of Ecclesia in their new location. Ecclesia is the community of believers we have been a part of for two years since returning from Panama. We have grown to love this community.
At first, I wasn't sure what I would think about it. The way they 'did church' was different than anything I had ever been a part of. It is a
stirring-together of such opposing denominational practices, of what some might even call irreconcilable differences in denomination... but, somehow, they make it work because the bottom line is Jesus. Liturgical corporate prayers and the taking of the eucharist every week, coupled with immersive water-baptisms and the belief that Jesus gives art, music, dance, and a myriad of other gifts to his people in order to share His love.
It is a unique and beautiful combination of old traditions and modern worship; all alongside tattoo controversy-ing, homeless-people-loving, feast-sharing, occasional alcohol drinking, God-fearing folks who are walking The Path of God the best they know how, journeying together to make our way towards Jesus-likeness ever day. This community shares love with one another, with the homeless, with the rich, with the high-names, and with the lowly. It is a common-unity kind of a place... but the place isn't within the structure, the facade of a building, but all know that it is within the hearts of the people that make up the church. You can't go to church, you go to be with the church.
This learned attitude and mindset is not difficult, and is what normal should look like. I often say that these 'shared corporate practices of the church' grew on me. I learned to appreciate the 'togetherness' of the responsive readings, the intimacy of the worship through music, as well as the unity of sharing the same cup and loaves for remembering Christ's sacrifice during the partaking of the eucharist every week. Perfect church? Oh no! Of course there are and will be issues with this group of people, as with any, because it is just that, a group of people... imperfect and broken, but what makes it work, is that they, know that about themselves and freely admit it, journeying together with one another to bring each other along... in the way we should all go. This has been my experience with these people of Ecclesia, followers of Christ our Liberating King.
Prior to these two years in Houston, we were in Panama for three years. It became our forever home-in-our-hearts. Three years we spent making a new country our home. We grew to be a part of a family of followers of Christ in a way we had never known before this. In this place, where we thought God sent us to the mission field, was actually part of a series of training years for what we believe is still to come in our ministry. Then with Phillip's stroke, God used every single one of the members of this particular family to minister to us, to show His heart to us through the love, generosity, sacrifice, care of those around us.
My husband, children and I all learned about how to minister to other followers, because of the way we were ministered to by others. We learned how to give generously even while in the midst of great need; we learned to trust in our Father-God in all things, no matter what the circumstance. We learned to love one another, everyone, with a love that was unconditional, brotherly, and eternal. Our hearts will forever be connected with the family we knew during our journey-piece in Panama. Our hearts were therefore rent into pieces when God told us it was time to leave; to leave this place, family, culture, people that we had poured our hearts into, had been poured into us, and made home. It was time to leave, and a we left a huge chunk of our hearts in among the people in Panama City, Panama.
So, now, here we are again, at another 'port' in our lives, where it is now time again, to leave. Once again, after learning to understand, beginning to partner, learning to love these people in Houston, who have journeyed a while with us, we have to go. We must again separate from a group we have grown to love. It pains my heart to have to rip a piece of my heart again. Like leaving Panama, or more specifically the body of believers here, this will, we know, be a painful process. I guess what makes it less painful, is the knowledge that there is more to come.
A very good friend once encouraged me by saying out loud to me some things that I already knew, but just never realized. I always felt so sorry for myself when I thought about what we used to have in Panama, and didn't have anymore. I would so long to be there again, to feel the love that we grew accustomed to among those precious people. This dear friend, who was a part of that group, said, 'Do you not think that God would do that again for you, that maybe He has more true, and better things in store for you?' A jaw-dropping question, I know. I had been so bitter with God for taking me away from this beautiful thing, that I wasn't trusting Him to bring me to something else differently beautiful, but beautiful still. Lesson learned.
God loves me and wants good things for me, for my husband and for our family. God knows the pain in my heart when I think of what I miss in Panama; God knows the trepidation I feel when I think of moving again away from a people I have learned to love in order to go to a new country, a new people, a new piece of my heart to give away. I must trust and follow, and never guard my heart in fear of pain. Pain and brokenness can sometimes be necessary in order to know what healing and beauty and wholeness feels like.
